True Christian ladies who are submissive to their husbands are very few and far between today.
Since 1848 when the "women's rights movement" women have become more and more self centered or as we like to call it today INDEPENDENT. We have allowed our selfish, sinful desires to rule who we are and what our marriages have become. We have slowly forgotten the ways of our fore (mothers) and have no idea where to even start. The feminist movement is controlling even devout christian women who say they are not feminists.
I am just going to lay out a few ideas of what serving (Yup you read that right.) your husband really means.
During your courtship I am sure you had a strong desire to do things that your "special friend" would like. Perhaps you made him little plates of cookies, breads, you looked forward to every second that he was around.
In my case I loved to take Joshua his favorite banana bread and a warm cup of coffee as he was working on our van in the cold winter months. When he came around in the summer time before he had to head to work, I loved to pack him a little picnic lunch to take to work with him. I enjoyed making sure he was taken care of. (The best I could while courting)
That desire certainly didn't change as soon as we got married. No. It changed over the course of a few months. Being I was pregnant shortly after we got married I didn't feel good at all. You know all the typical symptoms of pregnancy. Eventually I fell into a pattern of not doing anything at all. I was either tired or sick. Yes, at that time I had a valid excuse. Although looking back I didn't handle it as well as I could have. After I had Leah I had kinda gotten into the habit of doing next to nothing. I didn't even so much as meet my husband at the door most mornings when he got off work.
Now, having been married almost 5 years and a child of God for a little over 1 year I am finally falling into a routine and figuring this out.
#1 One of the ways that I am trying to submit to my husband is by having dinner cooked when he gets home or shortly after. No, He doesn't make me. He would gladly do it himself if he had to. But, why should he. I am called to be his HELP MEET and if I don't make dinner for him what kind of help meet does that make me? Not to mention it saves us a lot of money.
#2 STOP playing on your phone 24/7 and grow up.
This was a hard one for me. I was always texting someone or scrolling through Facebook. And it was really getting in the way of our relationship. I had a whole lot of fun ideas to eventually do pinned on Pinterest but nothing was getting done. Why? Because I was selfish and immature. I would rather play on my phone than do the "adult" thing and make dinner, scrub the toilets, do the dishes or even run a load of laundry. Yup, You read that correctly. I just admitted to being VERY lazy and a horrible wife.
#3Meet your man at the door when he gets home. I don't care if he works 3rd shift, 2nd shift or 1st. Or even if he works 2 different jobs. Meet him at the door. He deserves that much after working a long hard day to support your internet habits, your eating habits and your needs. I promise. Just that one little act of love will change you.
#4 Can we just stop the pity party of "I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM. IT'S SO HARD". Yes, It's hard. Trust me, I know. I have done it for almost 4 years. But, it's your calling. Grumbling is not going to get you anywhere other than a very destroyed relationship. When your husband comes home, ask him how his day was. Do not just bombard him with how "terrible" your day was, how little the children listened, or the endless list of things that still need done. He had a long day too. He doesn't want to come home to a mess of a wife, screaming kids that he has to care for, or a nagging wife.
#5 Treat your husband like you treated him when you were courting. Don't fall into the attitude of "I got what I wanted. No need to try anymore." Satan loves that attitude. It is when you have that attitude and you stop caring about your marriage that Satan will come in and do his best to destroy your marriage.
I know this is kind of an "ugly" blog post. Nobody wants to sit and think about themselves in such a negative way. But is the person I described above you? Are you a whiny, nagging wife who stay's on her phone all day? Have you fallen into the LAZINESS trap?
It's never too late to change. I dare you to start today. If you need help. please don't hesitate to leave a comment with your email address and I will email you as soon as I see it.
This is NOT the end of this subject. There will be more. I promise. After today's post I am sure I either have people hiding my blog and never looking at again. Or jumping up and down in excitement waiting for the next post. lol
I promise they won't all be as bold as today's.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
"Pondering"
As I sit here and sip my coffee, I can't help but to reflect on the many blessings I have been given.
The life I live is hard. Having an Autistic child who has a lot of health issues and dealing with a very active non ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) child, health problems myself, a husband who works many hours, and the list could go on and on.
When I look at the many trials that I have to face, it gets depressing even daunting at times. But, mornings like this I sit and ponder the many blessings I do have that may even be hidden in the trials of life.
Now let me explain myself.
Yes, I have a daughter with health issues. Yet, I choose to look at this as a blessing. I have been able to lead so many other mamas to our Lord because of Leah's health issues.
We live in a day and age where she can get the help she needs. It's a blessing in disguise to have the surgeries every 6 months. Years ago this surgery wasn't even possible. Leah wouldn't be able to walk because of the severity of her scoliosis, she would lead a very painful life. In today's day and age, this surgery is available. It's called the VEPTR Surgery.
Because of this surgery she is living a relatively pain free life, she is walking, running and enjoying anything a typical child would be. For that I choose to be thankful.
I have a son who is completely healthy and developing more advanced than his age. For that I choose to be thankful.
My brother is recovering from Meningitis in a good children's hospital while my other brother just has Influenza. For that I choose to be thankful.
We will be leaving for Tennessee this for our first family vacation. For that, I choose to be thankful.
Thankfulness is a choice. It doesn't just happen. You need to make that choice.
You can live miserably, or you can live with the Joy of Jesus because He is Victory. He has overcome all pain, death, sickness and evil. He is the ultimate Healer.
For that I choose to be grateful.
What do you choose today? Victory and thankfulness, or bitterness and misery. The choice is yours.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
The life I live is hard. Having an Autistic child who has a lot of health issues and dealing with a very active non ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) child, health problems myself, a husband who works many hours, and the list could go on and on.
When I look at the many trials that I have to face, it gets depressing even daunting at times. But, mornings like this I sit and ponder the many blessings I do have that may even be hidden in the trials of life.
Now let me explain myself.
Yes, I have a daughter with health issues. Yet, I choose to look at this as a blessing. I have been able to lead so many other mamas to our Lord because of Leah's health issues.
We live in a day and age where she can get the help she needs. It's a blessing in disguise to have the surgeries every 6 months. Years ago this surgery wasn't even possible. Leah wouldn't be able to walk because of the severity of her scoliosis, she would lead a very painful life. In today's day and age, this surgery is available. It's called the VEPTR Surgery.
Because of this surgery she is living a relatively pain free life, she is walking, running and enjoying anything a typical child would be. For that I choose to be thankful.
I have a son who is completely healthy and developing more advanced than his age. For that I choose to be thankful.
My brother is recovering from Meningitis in a good children's hospital while my other brother just has Influenza. For that I choose to be thankful.
We will be leaving for Tennessee this for our first family vacation. For that, I choose to be thankful.
Thankfulness is a choice. It doesn't just happen. You need to make that choice.
You can live miserably, or you can live with the Joy of Jesus because He is Victory. He has overcome all pain, death, sickness and evil. He is the ultimate Healer.
For that I choose to be grateful.
What do you choose today? Victory and thankfulness, or bitterness and misery. The choice is yours.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Monday, June 27, 2016
The First Step To Submission. The Plan of Salvation.
You may be asking that very question. Should I submit to my husband, and if so, what all does that mean?
I want to take some time and help you understand what submission is and what submission is not.
Between Hollywood, novels, and a lack of teaching, women today have no idea what it means to submit. or how to even start.
Unfortunately even most of the older ladies who are called to teach the younger ladies, know nothing about submission and therefore can't even begin to expound on it which has created a generation of women who do exactly as they please with no regard as to who it effects.
I want to take some time tonight and expound a little bit on submission. A subject which has been extremely difficult for me and I am praying that my struggles will be a help to someone else who might be struggling with the same thing.
I believe this is one of the most important verses to a wife. Because this verse holds so much truth in it. It is a treasure chest full of wealth.
Most women look at this verse and are completely thrown off as soon as they see the words "Submit" but if you read on to the second half where it says "As to the Lord" you will unlock the one key to submission.
If you are going to submit to your husband the same way that you submit to God, doesn't that mean that you would need some kind of relationship with God? Wouldn't it mean I am supposed to be close enough to God to read and hear and feel the prodding of the Spirit when I am supposed to do something?
In order to have that close relationship with Christ, you first have to be saved. You need to make that first step in allowing God to control your life.
If you have never done so, I encourage you to keep reading as I give you the plan of salvation.
I John 5:13 – “These things have I written unto you that believe on
the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life…”
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23
God made man in His own image. He gave man the ability to choose right from wrong. We choose to sin. Our sins keep us from God.
Wages means payment. The payment of our sin is death and hell, separation from God forever. If we continue in our sin, we shall die without Christ and be without God forever.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” – Romans 10:1
I encourage you to leave me a message or comment if you just accepted Christ as your Savior.
Without Christ as the center of your relationship, submission is nothing but a word with a scary meaning.
I tried to submit before I got saved. But, what was the point. I hated it. I didn't have a happy heart. I was doing it for all the reasons.
I beg of you to consider what is written above. Your entire future depends on it.
Join me tomorrow as I go into our next point. This is a heavy subject and not one to be taken lightly.
May you all have a blessed evening.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
I want to take some time and help you understand what submission is and what submission is not.
Between Hollywood, novels, and a lack of teaching, women today have no idea what it means to submit. or how to even start.
Unfortunately even most of the older ladies who are called to teach the younger ladies, know nothing about submission and therefore can't even begin to expound on it which has created a generation of women who do exactly as they please with no regard as to who it effects.
I want to take some time tonight and expound a little bit on submission. A subject which has been extremely difficult for me and I am praying that my struggles will be a help to someone else who might be struggling with the same thing.
Most women look at this verse and are completely thrown off as soon as they see the words "Submit" but if you read on to the second half where it says "As to the Lord" you will unlock the one key to submission.
If you are going to submit to your husband the same way that you submit to God, doesn't that mean that you would need some kind of relationship with God? Wouldn't it mean I am supposed to be close enough to God to read and hear and feel the prodding of the Spirit when I am supposed to do something?
In order to have that close relationship with Christ, you first have to be saved. You need to make that first step in allowing God to control your life.
If you have never done so, I encourage you to keep reading as I give you the plan of salvation.
The Bible tells us that we can know that we have an eternal home in Heaven.
I John 5:13 – “These things have I written unto you that believe on
the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life…”
1. Realize That God Loves You
God loves you and has a plan for your life.“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16
2. Realize That You Are A Sinner
Our sins have separated ALL of us (including you) from God.“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23
God made man in His own image. He gave man the ability to choose right from wrong. We choose to sin. Our sins keep us from God.
3. Realize That Sin Must Be Paid For
“For the wages of sin is death…” – Romans 6:23Wages means payment. The payment of our sin is death and hell, separation from God forever. If we continue in our sin, we shall die without Christ and be without God forever.
4. Realize That Christ Died To Pay For Your Sins
All of our sins were laid on Christ on the cross. He paid our sin debt for us. The Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross, and He arose from the dead. He is alive forevermore.“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8
5. Receive Christ By Faith As Your Personal Savior
You can pray and ask Christ to save you…and He will! It is not the prayer that saves, but believing and meaning it in your heart. A Sinner’s Prayer: “Lord, I know that I am a sinner. If I died today, I would not go to heaven. Forgive my sin, come into my life and be my Savior. Help me live for you from this day forward. In Jesus Name, Amen.”“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” – Romans 10:1
I encourage you to leave me a message or comment if you just accepted Christ as your Savior.
Without Christ as the center of your relationship, submission is nothing but a word with a scary meaning.
I tried to submit before I got saved. But, what was the point. I hated it. I didn't have a happy heart. I was doing it for all the reasons.
I beg of you to consider what is written above. Your entire future depends on it.
Join me tomorrow as I go into our next point. This is a heavy subject and not one to be taken lightly.
May you all have a blessed evening.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Sunday, June 26, 2016
How We Are Preparing To Go Out Of Town
Fourth Of July weekend is coming really fast. And we are less than a week away from piling the car full of necessities and heading to Tennessee.
I am so excited. We have wanted to do this for so long. And now it's finally happening.
I am also REALLY Nervous. Leah has never let us spend the night anywhere without going into a huge meltdown every night and making it so we get no sleep at all. So, this is scary for us.
I am attempting to transition her enough that it won't be as big of an issue. This week, we are going to be making snack baggies, crafts and other toys. I will be sharing here everything that we are doing to TRY to make this go as smoothly as possible.
If this doesn't work. Joshua and I will be taking shifts. The only way we can make it.
I will be posting The recipes that I use and more about our days. I will show you our sticker charts and rewards starting tomorrow as well.
The weekend has been a rough one. But, I wanted to pop in and say hey. I didn't forget about y'all. I just got busy.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
I am so excited. We have wanted to do this for so long. And now it's finally happening.
I am attempting to transition her enough that it won't be as big of an issue. This week, we are going to be making snack baggies, crafts and other toys. I will be sharing here everything that we are doing to TRY to make this go as smoothly as possible.
If this doesn't work. Joshua and I will be taking shifts. The only way we can make it.
The weekend has been a rough one. But, I wanted to pop in and say hey. I didn't forget about y'all. I just got busy.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Creating An Environment of Positive Reinforcement.
The last couple of weekends we decided to completely throw the schedule away and go on a couple outings. Thinking Leah would be okay.
We very quickly learned our lesson. YOU DO NOT TAKE AN ASD CHILD OFF OF THERE SCHEDULE FOR THE SAKE OF FUN. So, today we decided to have fun where we are. After all, Who says you can't have just as much fun at home?
I found some Sun catchers at the $ store. So, I decided to get some and I really thought that Leah was going to have a difficult time with getting the hang of it. I was wrong. She had a blast and did an amazing job at following 2 and 3 step directions.
I really didn't have to help her at all. She did so amazing. She only flipped out once when the paint got on her hands. But, she got it all over her legs and didn't even seem to care.
After their naps I decided to start making up sticker charts, chore charts and reward jars for them. We are trying to use positive reinforcement. This is something I am not used to at all. So, I am learning with them.
It really wasn't too hard to do at all. I found some really good charts on http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/ As well as some Reward Dollars for jobs well done.
I printed off a Hygiene chart, behavior chart, feelings chart and a couple of other ones.
I made up a daily reward jar, weekly and a monthly reward jar. The weekly one has things like Spend $1 at the dollar store, Get nails painted, get an ice cream cone, night out with mommy or daddy (or both)
The daily ones have a little simpler things in there like, play games as a family, 20 minutes of undivided attention, extra screen time, a meal of their choice.........
While the monthly one holds more of a day trip/ field trip of their choice to use on the last Saturday of the month. So, A couple options in that jar is, a trip to the zoo, hands on museum, bowling.....
I am excited to use this method. We will be starting all of this tomorrow. I will update as the week goes on.
We are getting ready to go to the ball field and play some soccer with Joshua. He is our little ball player and begs and begs to play. So, we still have a busy night ahead with a lot of fun in store.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama.
We very quickly learned our lesson. YOU DO NOT TAKE AN ASD CHILD OFF OF THERE SCHEDULE FOR THE SAKE OF FUN. So, today we decided to have fun where we are. After all, Who says you can't have just as much fun at home?
I found some Sun catchers at the $ store. So, I decided to get some and I really thought that Leah was going to have a difficult time with getting the hang of it. I was wrong. She had a blast and did an amazing job at following 2 and 3 step directions.
It really wasn't too hard to do at all. I found some really good charts on http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/ As well as some Reward Dollars for jobs well done.
The daily ones have a little simpler things in there like, play games as a family, 20 minutes of undivided attention, extra screen time, a meal of their choice.........
While the monthly one holds more of a day trip/ field trip of their choice to use on the last Saturday of the month. So, A couple options in that jar is, a trip to the zoo, hands on museum, bowling.....
We are getting ready to go to the ball field and play some soccer with Joshua. He is our little ball player and begs and begs to play. So, we still have a busy night ahead with a lot of fun in store.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama.
"Be Still And Know That I Am God"
Psalm 46:10a
" Be still, and know that I am God."
If you were raised in a christian home like I was you probably know that verse by heart. Knowing that verse and living that verse in your daily life is a whole other story.
The more challenges we face in life and the busier I get, the more I understand the importance of that verse.
Just having a child/children is in and of itself enough to keep you busy from sun up to sun down and for many of us every moment in between. But, then you add in the house work, your outside job, the grocery shopping, errands and all of the doctors appointments that come with out children. You have to sit there and wonder how in the world God expects you to "Be Still." I mean just because He can do the impossible doesn't mean I can. Right? How many of us have actually had that thought cross our minds. I imagine more than just a few of us have.
Can I just remind you that the Bible is God's word. A beautiful letter to every one of us from our loving Heavenly Father. The only person who will ever die for you and rise again to save your soul.
He could have left it there. After all, the penalty for sin is paid. Right? But, He didn't. He gave us the Holy Spirit to stay with us. The Comforter. Our Friend. Our go between. He didn't just look at the Final picture. He looked at the road we would take to get there.
Before we moved I used to go down to the lake on a regular basis and spend time thinking and praying.
Now that we don't live near a lake (my go to place) I have to make do with what I have. And the little moments I do get alone.
I have found that you can "BE STILL" just about anywhere you are and no matter what you are doing.
It's hard as a mama to find any time. But, if you really try you can.
#1- In the shower.
You have heard of shower singers. But, have you heard of shower praying? I can't tell you how many times I end up taking a much longer time in the shower than I meant to because I lost myself in prayer.
#2- Nap time. ( IF your child decides to cooperate with that). I like to switch on the television and enjoy some me time. But, I have also love to grab my Bible and spend a half an hour at least in prayer and meditation on what I am reading.
#3- I love writing down all of my blessings.
There are way too many blessings to count. But, I have found that when I write down the ones that stuck out to me I am a much more joyful person. It's hard not to be happy after counting all of your blessings.
I know this is a completely kind of post than I usually write. And I will get back to writing the normal, later on. This was on my heart. I have been dealing with some things personally. And this subject has become very dear to my heart.
So, Thank you for bearing with me during this kinda rambling post.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
" Be still, and know that I am God."
If you were raised in a christian home like I was you probably know that verse by heart. Knowing that verse and living that verse in your daily life is a whole other story.
The more challenges we face in life and the busier I get, the more I understand the importance of that verse.
Just having a child/children is in and of itself enough to keep you busy from sun up to sun down and for many of us every moment in between. But, then you add in the house work, your outside job, the grocery shopping, errands and all of the doctors appointments that come with out children. You have to sit there and wonder how in the world God expects you to "Be Still." I mean just because He can do the impossible doesn't mean I can. Right? How many of us have actually had that thought cross our minds. I imagine more than just a few of us have.
Can I just remind you that the Bible is God's word. A beautiful letter to every one of us from our loving Heavenly Father. The only person who will ever die for you and rise again to save your soul.
He could have left it there. After all, the penalty for sin is paid. Right? But, He didn't. He gave us the Holy Spirit to stay with us. The Comforter. Our Friend. Our go between. He didn't just look at the Final picture. He looked at the road we would take to get there.
Before we moved I used to go down to the lake on a regular basis and spend time thinking and praying.
Now that we don't live near a lake (my go to place) I have to make do with what I have. And the little moments I do get alone.
I have found that you can "BE STILL" just about anywhere you are and no matter what you are doing.
It's hard as a mama to find any time. But, if you really try you can.
#1- In the shower.
You have heard of shower singers. But, have you heard of shower praying? I can't tell you how many times I end up taking a much longer time in the shower than I meant to because I lost myself in prayer.
#2- Nap time. ( IF your child decides to cooperate with that). I like to switch on the television and enjoy some me time. But, I have also love to grab my Bible and spend a half an hour at least in prayer and meditation on what I am reading.
#3- I love writing down all of my blessings.
There are way too many blessings to count. But, I have found that when I write down the ones that stuck out to me I am a much more joyful person. It's hard not to be happy after counting all of your blessings.
I know this is a completely kind of post than I usually write. And I will get back to writing the normal, later on. This was on my heart. I have been dealing with some things personally. And this subject has become very dear to my heart.
So, Thank you for bearing with me during this kinda rambling post.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Friday, June 24, 2016
Homemade Nesquick (High Calorie)
2/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup of cocoa powder
1/2-1 cup of dry coffee creamer.
2TSP cinnamon.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
1/3 cup of cocoa powder
1/2-1 cup of dry coffee creamer.
2TSP cinnamon.
USE 2 TBS per glass of milk.
It made about a pint of powder.
To make high calorie mix into some whole milk with a little bit of liquid coffee creamer!
It made about a pint of powder.
To make high calorie mix into some whole milk with a little bit of liquid coffee creamer!
Pediasure has 240 calories.
THIS RECIPE WITH WHOLE MILK. HAS 244 CALORIES.
If you were to add some liquid creamer (Which I often do. ) I use 2 oz of liquid creamer. That would make it 376 calories.
THIS RECIPE WITH WHOLE MILK. HAS 244 CALORIES.
If you were to add some liquid creamer (Which I often do. ) I use 2 oz of liquid creamer. That would make it 376 calories.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Grieving The "Loss" Of A Child
When I first found out I was pregnant with Leah (our first), I was thrilled. I planned our entire future. I planned on homeschooling, I planned on fun outings, I pictured all the nights of cuddling and story time and a million other fun things. The fun things that every parent pictures when they see that positive pregnancy test.
No mother ever pictures toting around medical equipment, being beat up by your own child, sleepless nights that go far beyond any typical child, handing your child over to a stranger for surgery after surgery. You never pictured seeing your child in agony with no way to help them, cleaning scars, changing their clothes and seeing scar after scar on their perfect little body. You never pictured that you would need to ask for respite care to handle your own child. You never dreamed that your breast milk wouldn't be enough to keep your child healthy, You never dreamed that you would watch your child rip her nails out, bite herself, try to cut herself and a million other forms of self harm.
No, there is no way any mother could see that coming. And yet, It's a reality that a lot of us have to face.
People on the outside see what we are going through and often comment on how strong we are. But, they don't see the inner turmoil. They don't see the bitter tears shed, the angry cries to God or the sleepless nights spent crying out to God begging for an answer as to "why me?" "Why my baby?"
Accepting your child's condition doesn't happen over night. You don't just receive the diagnoses and carry on as if nothing is happening. No, that doesn't happen at all.
Every mother must go through a time of grieving.
No one person grieves alike. It's a personal experience. An experience only you can go through.
When I found out I had a medically fragile child I felt lost. I was no longer the mom I had pictured. I felt like my heart had been torn to pieces. That was my baby they were talking about. Nothing looked the same anymore. All of my future plans had to change. I had to change my perspective on what or who my child was.
I spent many nights crying, many nights begging God to change it. I didn't want this. I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. I shouldn't have to. After all, I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask to walk this road.
I had to learn how to bury the child that I pictured. I had to bury the life I had planned on living. And I had bury every little idea about parenthood that I had ever thought. It took me 2 years at least before I was ready to move on. Before I was ready to embrace what I did have. I didn't have anywhere to go with these feelings. I thought I had failed my daughter. I had failed my husband. I wanted to die. I could only think one thing, "If I failed this bad before she was born, How in the world would I ever be able to handle a child and not screw that up too. "
I didn't understand any of these emotions. I thought even thinking these things made me such a bad mom. until I came across a group of moms going through the same thing I was.
I am going to give you a few ideas on how to safely grieve the loss of the child you imagined, the life you wanted and the plans you had.
#1 Do not lose yourself in your grief. I think this is probably the most important. When I began the grieving process I pushed away from everyone and everything that I ever knew. I started drinking and smoking and becoming literally the worse person you could imagine me being. I started taking Vicodin to relieve the emotional pain I was going through. I HATED life. I hated everyone in my life. The only one who I lived for was myself. For the longest time I wanted nothing to do with my children at all. And in the long run that showed.
This was the wrong way to grieve. I ended up losing my children to CPS. There are consequences to living life that way.
#2 Get Help. There is nothing wrong with seeking a counselor. Whether that be your pastor or a professional counselor. There is safety in numbers. And your counselor can help you deal with your feelings. He can help you identify your feelings and help you get through this. You are not alone. It may take you time. But, if you go through the same feelings I did with wishing you were dead and thinking it was actually better for those around you that way. YOU need to see the counselor just to help keep you from doing that. We know its just how you feel. It's not truth. Your body and mind will lie to you. And you need someone who is able and willing to help you conquer that lie.
#3 Realize there is nothing to be ashamed of. You have every right to grieve the loss that you feel. You deserve to sift through your emotions and get your head on straight. No matter how long it takes.
#4 Let this time draw you closer to God not farther from Him.
This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn. In a world that tells us that it is God's fault that we are going through this. It's God's fault that your child is not perfect (in the worlds eyes). I had to learn that my child is perfect the way she is. Our definition of "perfect" is not God's definition of perfect. We can never begin to fathom how God see's us.
#5 Let God use you through this.
I have been able to talk to so many other parents about God's goodness to us. And His strength to get through this. I have been able to lead a handful of people to Christ because of Leah's health issues.
#6 You STILL have a child. A child perfect in God's eyes. A child who needs you. A child you can comfort in your arms. A child you can see. I think of 2 of my dear friends who don't have that. I think of how much they wish they could have their child back no matter the trials faced. Just to hold their hand one more time, to kiss them one last time, to feed them and to be able to take them to one more dr appointment. I think of sweet Verona Bedtka who's young daughter left this earth to see her Father and be pain free just 2 short months ago. She was only 2.5 yrs old.
Verona would give anything I am sure just to hold Aby one more time.
You and I have so much to be thankful for. No matter how hard the road gets. You still get to put your child to bed at night.
I encourage you to buy a notebook and every day write down 10 things that you are thankful for. EVERY DAY. No excuses.
Satan wants you to think that you have been defeated. But, I want to remind you that JESUS conquered death, Satan and EVERYTHING evil. We have a reason to rejoice.
Lean on Jesus my dear friends. Please, Don't give up on Him. He is your Friend. He the "Friend that sticketh closer than a brother." He is the only one who will be there when your so called friends turn their backs on you. He is the only Friend who is with you 100% of the time. He will hear you and give you comfort like you have never felt before.
I am reminded of the hymn written by John Newton. "How Sweet the name of Jesus sounds"
No mother ever pictures toting around medical equipment, being beat up by your own child, sleepless nights that go far beyond any typical child, handing your child over to a stranger for surgery after surgery. You never pictured seeing your child in agony with no way to help them, cleaning scars, changing their clothes and seeing scar after scar on their perfect little body. You never pictured that you would need to ask for respite care to handle your own child. You never dreamed that your breast milk wouldn't be enough to keep your child healthy, You never dreamed that you would watch your child rip her nails out, bite herself, try to cut herself and a million other forms of self harm.
No, there is no way any mother could see that coming. And yet, It's a reality that a lot of us have to face.
People on the outside see what we are going through and often comment on how strong we are. But, they don't see the inner turmoil. They don't see the bitter tears shed, the angry cries to God or the sleepless nights spent crying out to God begging for an answer as to "why me?" "Why my baby?"
Accepting your child's condition doesn't happen over night. You don't just receive the diagnoses and carry on as if nothing is happening. No, that doesn't happen at all.
Every mother must go through a time of grieving.
When I found out I had a medically fragile child I felt lost. I was no longer the mom I had pictured. I felt like my heart had been torn to pieces. That was my baby they were talking about. Nothing looked the same anymore. All of my future plans had to change. I had to change my perspective on what or who my child was.
I spent many nights crying, many nights begging God to change it. I didn't want this. I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. I shouldn't have to. After all, I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask to walk this road.
I had to learn how to bury the child that I pictured. I had to bury the life I had planned on living. And I had bury every little idea about parenthood that I had ever thought. It took me 2 years at least before I was ready to move on. Before I was ready to embrace what I did have. I didn't have anywhere to go with these feelings. I thought I had failed my daughter. I had failed my husband. I wanted to die. I could only think one thing, "If I failed this bad before she was born, How in the world would I ever be able to handle a child and not screw that up too. "
I didn't understand any of these emotions. I thought even thinking these things made me such a bad mom. until I came across a group of moms going through the same thing I was.
I am going to give you a few ideas on how to safely grieve the loss of the child you imagined, the life you wanted and the plans you had.
#1 Do not lose yourself in your grief. I think this is probably the most important. When I began the grieving process I pushed away from everyone and everything that I ever knew. I started drinking and smoking and becoming literally the worse person you could imagine me being. I started taking Vicodin to relieve the emotional pain I was going through. I HATED life. I hated everyone in my life. The only one who I lived for was myself. For the longest time I wanted nothing to do with my children at all. And in the long run that showed.
This was the wrong way to grieve. I ended up losing my children to CPS. There are consequences to living life that way.
#2 Get Help. There is nothing wrong with seeking a counselor. Whether that be your pastor or a professional counselor. There is safety in numbers. And your counselor can help you deal with your feelings. He can help you identify your feelings and help you get through this. You are not alone. It may take you time. But, if you go through the same feelings I did with wishing you were dead and thinking it was actually better for those around you that way. YOU need to see the counselor just to help keep you from doing that. We know its just how you feel. It's not truth. Your body and mind will lie to you. And you need someone who is able and willing to help you conquer that lie.
#3 Realize there is nothing to be ashamed of. You have every right to grieve the loss that you feel. You deserve to sift through your emotions and get your head on straight. No matter how long it takes.
#4 Let this time draw you closer to God not farther from Him.
This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn. In a world that tells us that it is God's fault that we are going through this. It's God's fault that your child is not perfect (in the worlds eyes). I had to learn that my child is perfect the way she is. Our definition of "perfect" is not God's definition of perfect. We can never begin to fathom how God see's us.
#5 Let God use you through this.
I have been able to talk to so many other parents about God's goodness to us. And His strength to get through this. I have been able to lead a handful of people to Christ because of Leah's health issues.
#6 You STILL have a child. A child perfect in God's eyes. A child who needs you. A child you can comfort in your arms. A child you can see. I think of 2 of my dear friends who don't have that. I think of how much they wish they could have their child back no matter the trials faced. Just to hold their hand one more time, to kiss them one last time, to feed them and to be able to take them to one more dr appointment. I think of sweet Verona Bedtka who's young daughter left this earth to see her Father and be pain free just 2 short months ago. She was only 2.5 yrs old.
Verona would give anything I am sure just to hold Aby one more time.
You and I have so much to be thankful for. No matter how hard the road gets. You still get to put your child to bed at night.
I encourage you to buy a notebook and every day write down 10 things that you are thankful for. EVERY DAY. No excuses.
Satan wants you to think that you have been defeated. But, I want to remind you that JESUS conquered death, Satan and EVERYTHING evil. We have a reason to rejoice.
Lean on Jesus my dear friends. Please, Don't give up on Him. He is your Friend. He the "Friend that sticketh closer than a brother." He is the only one who will be there when your so called friends turn their backs on you. He is the only Friend who is with you 100% of the time. He will hear you and give you comfort like you have never felt before.
I am reminded of the hymn written by John Newton. "How Sweet the name of Jesus sounds"
| "How sweet the Name of Jesus sounds In a believer’s ear! It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds, And drives away his fear, And drives away his fear, And drives away his fear, It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds, And drives away his fear. |
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It makes the wounded spirit whole, And calms the troubled breast; ’Tis manna to the hungry soul, And to the weary rest, And to the weary rest, And to the weary rest, ’Tis manna to the hungry soul, And to the weary rest. |
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Dear Name! the Rock on which we build; Our shield and hiding-place; Our never-failing treasury, filled With boundless stores of grace, With boundless stores of grace, With boundless stores of grace, Our never-failing treasury, filled With boundless stores of grace. |
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Jesus, our Savior, Shepherd, Friend, Our Prophet, Priest, and King; Our Lord, our Life, our Way, our End, Accept the praise we bring, Accept the praise we bring, Accept the praise we bring, Our Lord, our Life, our Way, our End, Accept the praise we bring. |
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Weak is the effort of our heart, And cold our warmest thought; But when we see Thee as Thou art, We’ll praise Thee as we ought, We’ll praise Thee as we ought, We’ll praise Thee as we ought, But when we see Thee as Thou art, We’ll praise Thee as we ought. |
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Till then we would Thy love proclaim With every fleeting breath; And triumph in that blessed Name Which quells the pow’r of death, Which quells the pow’r of death, Which quells the pow’r of death, And triumph in that blessed Name Which quells the pow’r of death." |
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Failure to thrive” diagnosis leads to the creation of Udderly Amazing Goodies (Guest Post by Christine Henry)
For me the point of this story is to let others know how I felt shamed into thinking my son’s weight issues were my fault. I was pushed by many doctors to wean my son when there was no reason to. I want to say that I think that FED is best. In my opinion here is nothing wrong with giving your child formula. When a mom is facing their child struggling with weight issues we will do whatever is needed to make sure they stay healthy. It is not at all my intention to make moms feel shame if they have to use formula. My intention in writing this is to let other moms know they are not alone with being pushed to use formula instead of breastfeeding. For us sticking with it was the best decision for our family. Something I could not have done without having the correct information and these cookies for giving me the boost I needed to make it happen.
My son being diagnosed “failure to thrive” at 4 months is what lead me to create Udderly Amazing Goodies. After all I went through breastfeeding him I wanted to make sure other mothers would not have the same horrible experiences I did. This post will focus on my son’s hospitalization and how that impacted me starting this business. There were many other bumps in the road but I’ll write about those in another post.
Skylar decided to arrive early at 37 weeks weighing just 5 lbs 8 oz. I was so happy he latched and nursed well. I came prepared to the hospital with pumping bra in hand and requesting a pump to arrive when I got to my room. I started pumping after most feeds to get my supply up. Just as his sister did, he started to lose weight. (See my previous note about messages I received breastfeeding her). I remained calm and knew that this was normal and not to freak out. This time, and I know others might have a reaction to this, I did not feel like a failure when we had to supplement with formula until my milk came in. I made sure to feed him first and then pump. Yes, many people will say never ever do this but formula helped get him some food while I built up my supply. Unlike with my daughter I was not okay with him crying from hunger and losing an unhealthy amount of weight. I found a recipe online for lactation cookies and started to eat them daily when we got home. After one week my son was fully content with just nursing and we did not need to supplement at all. It was an amazing day! I really felt that the lactation cookies made all the difference in the world. I was so exhausted that I ate whatever was easy and thankfully they were filling and made with healthy ingredients that my body needed anyway. Plus who can say no to cookies, right?
After Skylar was about a month old, he was very fussy and I became resolved to the fact that he might have colic. I realized that I always ate dairy for dinner which in turn would go into my milk making him super fussy. I am a very picky eater so that was a big challenge to give up all dairy. (See the note on dairy free tips). It was at this time that I started to get the messages to wean him since people saw me struggle to eat. Have you seen how much dairy free formula costs? Have you smelled it? Yuck! I had a very limited diet and had to try one food at a time to see what he might react to. Our pediatrician was very supportive about breastfeeding. She did take note of his weight (being born in the 5th percentile) but he was also born a little early and breastfed so she wasn’t too concerned. He appeared to meet all his milestones and was growing on his chart then BOOM at 4 months he got RSV. All the kids in his daycare got it, it was horrible. Amazingly he was the only kid in his class who didn’t require medication or was hospitalized from it. He was also the only EBF baby too :) Proud mama moment for me! However, his weight went from the 5th percentile to the .05 percentile. I did not start him on solids until 6 months because I was very scared of an allergic reaction (epi pen in the ready!). It was an overwhelming feeling to be totally responsible for all his caloric intake but also an amazing feeling. Here my body supported his life through pregnancy, giving him everything he needed, an now as a baby my body is doing it again.
Skylar was not a big fan of food and would much rather nurse. The day care did all sorts of tricks to get him to eat. He had such a hard time taking a bottle while he was there. One day he was refusing to eat all morning and afternoon. They called me to come get him because they were worried he was ill. I rushed my hour drive from work freaking out that something was really wrong. I had missed a pump and thought that I would care less about pumping when dealing with a sick baby who was refusing to eat. I was grumbling to myself how much pumping sucked and how stressful it was to do at work. When I walked into the daycare he was so excited to see me. He got a huge smile on his face and signed for milk. I nursed him in the daycare and he had a look on his face as if to say “This is all I was asking for.” I had such a sense of joy in that moment. I said “Skylar, you are a stinker, mommy can’t come home and feed you each day, you need to learn to take a bottle.” His teachers told me that they ended up having to put him in a bouncer to feed him because when they held them he constantly tried to nurse from them. They joked that he would say “Uh, you want me to take a bottle? I see you have the real things there, just give me some of that and I will be happy.”
Around 6 months is when they started to be more concerned about his weight and referred us to a G.I. specialist. The first thing she told me was to wean him. She said that I had done a great job but formula would have higher calories than my breast milk. Plus she said at 6 months he should focus more on solid foods anyway. The doctor added that they wanted to know how much he was eating daily which they could not keep track of that when I was breastfeeding. I was fine with fortifying his breast milk when he was at daycare but no way was I going to not breastfeed him when I was home. A lot of work went into maintaining my supply working full time. There were some nights when I would be gone from 7 am to 8 pm so I was pumping 4 times a day at work. Luckily Sky was home with his dad at 4pm however, he would often refuse to take a bottle because he knew that I would be home sometime to feed him. He did this when he was super little and should have been eating every 2 hours. The boy did not like bottles. I was totally confused at how she wanted to take away the one food source he would always eat. We got so much advice from people about how to get him to eat. Relatives would come and get him to have a few bites and claim victory only for him to refuse that food totally the next day. A few times people would say “Well, if he doesn’t want to eat you can’t make him eat.” Uh, yes they can, it’s called a feeding tube. That was my greatest fear. The one constant message I got from EVERYONE was wean him. Skylar was a very active boy and pretty much burned every calorie he took in. His weight plateaued at 8 and 9 months. He was still meeting all milestones and was a happy boy. Every appointment the doctors pushed weaning. At 10 months he had not gained any weight for 3 months and wanted to hospitalize him to run further tests. He had already had tons of blood work and a sweat test for cystic fibrosis, all came back negative. Agreeing to hospitalization was the one thing that I regret most about this whole journey. My husband was worried that something might be wrong and ruling everything out we would finally have an answer either way. On June 20, 2013 he was hospitalized at the Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston.
When he arrived they told me that I could not nurse him because they had to precisely measure his input and output. Again I was told how superior formula was, especially calorie wise for him. I was in shock that at big name children’s hospital its doctors were telling me this. They said that he was close enough to a year and there was no real reason to continue. This enraged me. I brought my pump and pumped every two hours around the clock. Sleep deprived and extremely stressed I was getting half of what I usually do. Unfortunately this was further evidence to the medical professionals that I was a big part of the problem. It was clear to them that I was not producing enough milk for my son. When I was at work I would consistently pump 4-5 oz which is exactly the amount he would take from a bottle. In fact, when he would only eat 3 oz at school I would still make 5 oz while at work. I knew my supply was exactly the amount he needed. I also knew that this was a great pumping output. Plus pumping output is not a good indication for supply at all. The doctors also did not want me to bring my breast milk from home because “formula was better for him.” My son was in so much pain from the formula. He was so constipated it was horrible. After two days of hell my sister in law recommended I get the hospital lactation consultant involved to have an advocate. That was a game changer, thank God for her. The LC took at 24 hour collection of my milk and it turned out to have even more calories than the fortified formula. I cannot tell you how awesome that was to throw in the doctors’ faces. They were in disbelieve and told me that it might have been a fluke since the calorie count can vary each day and had it retested. BAM!! It was again still higher than fortified formula. At that point the LC brought in a scale for us to measure before and after feeds so they could have their “precise” measurement of his output. I got connected with the milk bank, which no staff on the floor knew anything about. They had no idea how to get my milk to them. When I did give them my milk, they had no idea how I would go about getting it back to use. It was a nightmare. How was a children’s hospital so clueless about breastfeeding? Finally I was able to bring my frozen breast milk and supplement him with that. I felt so much better emotionally. 5 days and a million tests later they found nothing to be wrong with my son and released us. However, because he was not taking a bottle and getting in all he needed the doctors insisted he come home with a feeding tube. Day two of being home with the tube he pulled it out. Uh..yeah...they expected us to put it back in. We were supposed to take a stethoscope and put in down his nose to his stomach. But, oh, take care that you don’t get the tube in his lungs and drown him. No thank you! I was not about to restrain him and continue this ridiculousness when the boy was totally fine.
He went to an occupational therapist for a full evaluation and came back that he does have some sensory stuff when eating but overall fine. We tried “chew therapy” with a speech therapist which felt pointless. They wanted us to come in 3-4 times a week to watch someone attempt to feed our son and stick things in his mouth while doing so. With the advice of his teacher and a friend of mine whose son was also struggling to gain we came up with a power house smoothie that we still use today. Coconut cream, Hagen Daz peanut butter chocolate ice cream, more peanut butter, carnation breakfast, and whole milk. Skylar will be 4 and still drinks it at least once a day. He is not the best eater but at almost 4 is in the 16 percentile and as happy as can be.
After going through this whole experience I was so angry at how much weaning was pushed on me. I was angry about the misinformation medical professionals had regarding breast milk supply. After much trial and error I came up with the lactation cookie recipe I have now. It is so much stronger than when I was eating them. This experience made me want to provide correct information to nursing moms. I don’t want a nursing mom to quit because she thinks her supply is low. If you chat with me or any of the ladies that work for Udderly Amazing, sometimes we talk you out of buying the cookies. Seems counter to what a business would do, right? Well our goal is to help you meet your breastfeeding goals and provide you with the correct information on how to make that happen. I know if I did not have the breastfeeding struggles that I did with my daughter I would not have known all the information that I had with my son. I would have not known that pumping amount is not a good indication of your breast milk supply. I would have believed all the misinformation the doctors were telling me and stopped thinking I was doing right by my son by breastfeeding him. All of the moms that work here have had their own struggles. We know how difficult it is and we are here to help so you do not go through the same difficulties that we have had. I hope hearing my story lets you know that you are not alone. You are doing the best you can to feed your baby. Remember FED is best! Let us provide you with information and support to help you meet your goals. That reason is why we exist.
THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING (Potty training a child with autism while potty training a child without autism)
I had Joshua (My non ASD son almost completely daytime potty trained and he was doing awesome. We tried to include Leah (My ASD daughter) in whatever we did and tried to encourage her to sit on the potty as well. After all, she is 3 and he is only 2. She wouldn't have any of it. She had fun with the idea of potty training. But, she didn't seem to understand it. So, we put a hold on potty training her until she started showing more signs and decided to focus on Joshua. But, like happens to all toddlers at one point or another, we hit a rough patch. When Leah went in for her surgery this past month, Joshua stayed with my parents out of town. Messed up his whole schedule and of course he was just way too busy anyway. It threw us backwards almost all the way. And I got lazy and threw in the towel for a couple of weeks.
Sunday, I decided to start all over. And this time Leah wanted to join us with helping Joshua go potty. Although her desire to help was not all that surprising since she LOVES to help mommy with anything at all. What happened next was a complete surprise.
Joshua seems to have picked up right where we left off. He has done amazing with starting all over. And I supposed all the excited "WAY TO GO's" the clapping and the endless giggles got Leah excited about the possibilities as well.
Today, while taking Joshua potty Leah ripped her diaper off and said "go pee too" She wanted to give it a shot.
At this point, I wanted to scream with excitement. I mean, Is this really happening? She hasn't had any success on the potty yet. But, she is trying. And it's adorable. She knows what she is supposed to do. So, watching her try is amazing. The drs told us that she may never be potty trained. I am not taking that answer. We are going to try and try and try some more. She is so excited about the little tiny M&M's that she will get if she goes pee.
I am going to create a visual chart to put in front of the toilet to help her out. If you have any more suggestions feel free to post them in the comments below.
Tell Leah how excited you are for her. She loves to see messages to her. But, please add a picture as she loves those even more.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Sunday, I decided to start all over. And this time Leah wanted to join us with helping Joshua go potty. Although her desire to help was not all that surprising since she LOVES to help mommy with anything at all. What happened next was a complete surprise.
Today, while taking Joshua potty Leah ripped her diaper off and said "go pee too" She wanted to give it a shot.
I am going to create a visual chart to put in front of the toilet to help her out. If you have any more suggestions feel free to post them in the comments below.
Tell Leah how excited you are for her. She loves to see messages to her. But, please add a picture as she loves those even more.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
PICTURES
I was a little slack yesterday. Things got so crazy and by the time I got home and got the kids to bed I was struggling with a horrid migraine. So, I didn't get to blog at all yesterday. I will be making a blog post once the kids go down for naps between 12-1. Until then, Here are some pictures.
Monday, June 20, 2016
The Courageous Story of a Young Man named Mr Miller (Featuring Kelly Miller and her Son)
So, I thought I would do something a little bit different that I have obviously never done on my blog yet.
Failure to Thrive, Like many other health issues. Is not very well understood. And is mistakenly thought of as the effects of abuse and only abuse.
In some cases abuse does play a factor. Just like in the case of young Mr Miller.
Mr Miller (As we shall call him) had a very rough start to life. At 6 months old he was diagnosed as Failure to Thrive. At the time he was still in the care of his birth parents.
By 9 months old he was placed in the home of his foster parents. Who would later become the parents he didn't have. The parents who would love him, cherish him, cuddle him and rock him when he cried. The parents who would be there to kiss him when he fell, teach him to ride a bike and watch all of his firsts. But, It didn't come that simply.
When Mr Miller was placed with his foster parents, he came to them Starving both physically and emotionally. The only thing he had ever known was a father who beat him and left bruises all over him, A mother who "forgot" to feed him for day's on end, a mother who watched his "father" beat him and did nothing to protect him.
When Mr and Mrs Miller took him into their home they had to teach him the very basics. The things that a 9 month old should have known shortly after birth. Mr Miller didn't even know how to eat. He couldn't crawl, couldn't sit up on his own and most importantly didn't know how to be loved. He was kept in his crib for up to 22 hours a day. With the bruising on his body, You can imagine what happened when he was not in the crib.
Mr Miller slowly started learning to eat with the help of Physical Therapy, and Feeding clinics he was soon eating first baby foods and by 18 months old was starting to master eating 2nd foods. He was thriving well under the love and care of his new parents.
Unfortunately, Mr Miller never has completely overcome the Failure to Thrive. At almost 15 years of age he is 4 ft 10 inches tall.
Our children go through so much heartache. At 15 He clearly understands that he still has a difficult time eating. His normal breakfast is only a waffle and a Pb&J sandwich for lunch. He knows that he is smaller than the average 15 year old. And that frustrates him. His own 12 yr old brother is bigger than he is.
Mr Miller may be a smaller person than you. But, the hurdles he faces every day are far more surmountable than most other people bigger than he is. In my eyes that makes him AWESOME!!!
Like A lot of Failure to Thrive children, That is not his only Diagnoses. As if Failure to Thrive was not a big enough mountain to climb, Mr Miller also has Autism, A,D,H,D, -O,C,D- IGF-1 DEFICIENCY-MOOD DISORDER, DEPRESSION, O,D,D- ANXIETY DISORDER.
Young Mr Miller is a fighter. He is a hero.
Getting a FTT child to eat is a huge struggle. It's not that they don't want to. It's that they Can not eat. Their body doesn't always let them. They struggle with textures.
Mr Miller doesn't like hard foods. Doesn't like most meats. And loves ketchup. You have to learn what they will eat to help them gain weight. And that is not always an easy task. In fact, most times. That task is almost impossible.
Sometimes the gag reflex is activated so easily that it makes the child not want to even attempt eating.
I dare you to look up some Failure to Thrive research. And learn from it.
Thank you Kelly Miller for providing me with your story. You are doing an amazing job.
If you would like to be featured as well, Please leave a comment below with your email address and I will email you.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Failure to Thrive, Like many other health issues. Is not very well understood. And is mistakenly thought of as the effects of abuse and only abuse.
In some cases abuse does play a factor. Just like in the case of young Mr Miller.
Mr Miller (As we shall call him) had a very rough start to life. At 6 months old he was diagnosed as Failure to Thrive. At the time he was still in the care of his birth parents.
By 9 months old he was placed in the home of his foster parents. Who would later become the parents he didn't have. The parents who would love him, cherish him, cuddle him and rock him when he cried. The parents who would be there to kiss him when he fell, teach him to ride a bike and watch all of his firsts. But, It didn't come that simply.
When Mr Miller was placed with his foster parents, he came to them Starving both physically and emotionally. The only thing he had ever known was a father who beat him and left bruises all over him, A mother who "forgot" to feed him for day's on end, a mother who watched his "father" beat him and did nothing to protect him.
When Mr and Mrs Miller took him into their home they had to teach him the very basics. The things that a 9 month old should have known shortly after birth. Mr Miller didn't even know how to eat. He couldn't crawl, couldn't sit up on his own and most importantly didn't know how to be loved. He was kept in his crib for up to 22 hours a day. With the bruising on his body, You can imagine what happened when he was not in the crib.
Mr Miller slowly started learning to eat with the help of Physical Therapy, and Feeding clinics he was soon eating first baby foods and by 18 months old was starting to master eating 2nd foods. He was thriving well under the love and care of his new parents.
Unfortunately, Mr Miller never has completely overcome the Failure to Thrive. At almost 15 years of age he is 4 ft 10 inches tall.
Our children go through so much heartache. At 15 He clearly understands that he still has a difficult time eating. His normal breakfast is only a waffle and a Pb&J sandwich for lunch. He knows that he is smaller than the average 15 year old. And that frustrates him. His own 12 yr old brother is bigger than he is.
Mr Miller may be a smaller person than you. But, the hurdles he faces every day are far more surmountable than most other people bigger than he is. In my eyes that makes him AWESOME!!!
Like A lot of Failure to Thrive children, That is not his only Diagnoses. As if Failure to Thrive was not a big enough mountain to climb, Mr Miller also has Autism, A,D,H,D, -O,C,D- IGF-1 DEFICIENCY-MOOD DISORDER, DEPRESSION, O,D,D- ANXIETY DISORDER.
Young Mr Miller is a fighter. He is a hero.
Getting a FTT child to eat is a huge struggle. It's not that they don't want to. It's that they Can not eat. Their body doesn't always let them. They struggle with textures.
Mr Miller doesn't like hard foods. Doesn't like most meats. And loves ketchup. You have to learn what they will eat to help them gain weight. And that is not always an easy task. In fact, most times. That task is almost impossible.
Sometimes the gag reflex is activated so easily that it makes the child not want to even attempt eating.
I dare you to look up some Failure to Thrive research. And learn from it.
Thank you Kelly Miller for providing me with your story. You are doing an amazing job.
If you would like to be featured as well, Please leave a comment below with your email address and I will email you.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
How Not Being on a Schedule Disrupts Our Entire House
Since the time Leah was 6 months old I insisted on keeping her on a strict schedule. She ate every couple of hours, she had scheduled nap times, outdoor time was scheduled.... Everything was strictly scheduled.
I have been told that I am way to strict as a mama. But, I am a firm believer that children need structure. And they will not create that structure for themselves.
It worked really well for us (and still does). We had no idea at the time that Leah was autistic. And we had no way of knowing how much that the schedule we had made for her would help both her and us out in the future. Leah was an easy going baby and probably didn't need a schedule. But, she sure made it easy to keep her on a schedule because she was just so easy to make happy.
When Little Joshua was born, it was a whole other story. Keeping that little guy on any kind of schedule was nearly impossible. His schedule consisted of being held or screaming. There was no way around it. He was born screaming and he had a very strong set of lungs.
He was a mamas boy all the way. And the screaming was so bad if I wasn't holding him, that we couldn't even get a babysitter for this kid. lol I can't begin to say how many pictures I have of this kid screaming. All because I couldn't hold him 24/7.
Thankfully he did outgrow that stage and we were finally able to get the family unit running again on some sort of schedule. Although, it took a lot of getting used to since we now had 2 little ones only 11 months apart.
Fast forward to now...... Both kids are now on a set schedule and it works awesome. But, sometimes I wish we could just break away for a day two. The last 2 weekends I have let both kids miss their naps for a play date or something fun. And both times I have done this has been a complete disaster.
Leah sits and screams and spins circles pretty much nonstop all day. To all of you Autism moms out there you know exactly what I am talking about. And, it doesn't get better with bed time. In fact, it gets worse. By the time bedtime rolls around they are so overly tired that they just can't calm down.
I am going to list a few ideas for you other parents who struggle with the same thing. Because sometimes it is not possible to stick to the schedule. Although we have certainly learned our lesson. Leah will be staying on a schedule as much as possible.
#1 A warm bath.
I have found that a bath works wonders. Leah will keep calm long enough to give you at least a little bit of a break from the screaming. Usually about an hour in a warm bath. Most time the screaming starts back up as soon as she gets out tho.
#2 Lavender
I make my own Lavender Coconut oil lotion to rub on her before she goes to bed. And she loves it. Lavender has a calming effect. And if she is too cranky I let her hold the bottle of lavender oil and I instruct her to breath in slowly and smell it. She loves the attention and it works well.
#3 Song time
She loves to sing. And usually she will calm down and sing it with me. Her favorite song being "the wheels on the bus go round and round". If that song doesn't work, we play gentle music on the radio throughout the house.
#4 Sometimes you have to just let her scream. Focus on not getting too frustrated and leave her be. Make sure she is in a safe place where she cannot hurt anything especially herself. For us, that place is her bedroom. We have taken all furniture (other than her bed) out of the room. And she only has her favorite stuffed animals. Animals with nothing hard, no buttons and no eyes.
If you don't have respite care like we don't. Than number 4 is essential. Take care of yourself. You cannot take care of your child properly if you are running on empty. They will be okay for a few minutes. And sometimes I spend that time in a warm shower until I am calm enough to start over with her. Spend much time on your knees in prayer. Our strength comes from above. Nobody else. You need Gods strength.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
I have been told that I am way to strict as a mama. But, I am a firm believer that children need structure. And they will not create that structure for themselves.
It worked really well for us (and still does). We had no idea at the time that Leah was autistic. And we had no way of knowing how much that the schedule we had made for her would help both her and us out in the future. Leah was an easy going baby and probably didn't need a schedule. But, she sure made it easy to keep her on a schedule because she was just so easy to make happy.
Leah sits and screams and spins circles pretty much nonstop all day. To all of you Autism moms out there you know exactly what I am talking about. And, it doesn't get better with bed time. In fact, it gets worse. By the time bedtime rolls around they are so overly tired that they just can't calm down.
I am going to list a few ideas for you other parents who struggle with the same thing. Because sometimes it is not possible to stick to the schedule. Although we have certainly learned our lesson. Leah will be staying on a schedule as much as possible.
#1 A warm bath.
I have found that a bath works wonders. Leah will keep calm long enough to give you at least a little bit of a break from the screaming. Usually about an hour in a warm bath. Most time the screaming starts back up as soon as she gets out tho.
I make my own Lavender Coconut oil lotion to rub on her before she goes to bed. And she loves it. Lavender has a calming effect. And if she is too cranky I let her hold the bottle of lavender oil and I instruct her to breath in slowly and smell it. She loves the attention and it works well.
#3 Song time
She loves to sing. And usually she will calm down and sing it with me. Her favorite song being "the wheels on the bus go round and round". If that song doesn't work, we play gentle music on the radio throughout the house.
#4 Sometimes you have to just let her scream. Focus on not getting too frustrated and leave her be. Make sure she is in a safe place where she cannot hurt anything especially herself. For us, that place is her bedroom. We have taken all furniture (other than her bed) out of the room. And she only has her favorite stuffed animals. Animals with nothing hard, no buttons and no eyes.
If you don't have respite care like we don't. Than number 4 is essential. Take care of yourself. You cannot take care of your child properly if you are running on empty. They will be okay for a few minutes. And sometimes I spend that time in a warm shower until I am calm enough to start over with her. Spend much time on your knees in prayer. Our strength comes from above. Nobody else. You need Gods strength.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Sunday, June 19, 2016
The Heartbreaking Reality of a Failure to Thrive Diagnoses
Leah was only a couple weeks old when they realized she wasn't gaining weight properly. In fact she was losing more than what the average newborn loses. We didn't know much of anything at that time. And really hadn't even heard the term "failure to thrive" until then. When we were told she wasn't gaining weight and they were concerned about it, our minds automatically started wondering what we had done wrong. Was the decision to EBF And EBP what was hurting our daughter? Was it something wrong with my milk? Was I not feeding her enough?
Although it obviously wasn't our fault, we still couldn't help but blame ourselves. I think for some reason that is every parents first instinct. I mean, Are we not the ones who's sole responsibility to protect our baby? We were the ones supposed to be protecting her from all harm. And yet, here we were.
We requested to be transferred to Mott's Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor Michigan for a second opinion. At the time we were living in a very small town and the doctors didn't have the greatest reputation. So, of course we wanted to be transferred. We wanted to know for sure what was going on and what we were doing wrong.
When we entered through those doors, we had no way of knowing that we would be entering through those very same doors more than a million times in the next 4 year.
Of course, while we were there we did confirm that she was in fact considered Failure to Thrive. That was the first diagnoses of many. At first they wanted us to substitute my breast milk with formula. After a couple more weeks of little to no weight gain, we had to stop breastfeeding all together and not only give her formula, but, we had to make it super thick. An extra scoop for every 4 oz. It made it almost smoothie consistency and she had to be watched closely so as to not choke while feeding.
She is almost 4 and is still considered failure to thrive. We have been able to avoid a feeding tube with many snacks per day, force feedings and figuring out what textures she will eat and what to avoid. How to make a high calorie drink homemade that has way more calories than even ensure.. ( I will post the recipe once I can find it. I kinda throw it all together now)
For those of you who are not familiar with what Failure to Thrive is. I will post a link below that has some great info.
We still got a lot of weird and dirty looks from people when they ask how old she is. When you reply with almost 4 you get so many looks of "oh my, it must be horrible." Or, "What are you doing wrong?" There will always be those out there to judge you. And I just want to say to all of you moms. Whether you have children with special needs, or if your a mom to a healthy child..... Please, Do not beat yourself up over what you cannot control. This is not your fault. You have not done anything wrong. I dealt for a long time with the guilt of not breastfeeding. Because you know, Breast is supposed to be best. No matter the case. But, that isn't always true. If I could breastfeed, I most certainly would have for much longer. But, had I breastfed I possibly wouldn't have my daughter with me today.
Leah is 25 lbs right now. She is and probably always will be my little baby munchkin.
Let the people in the grocery store judge you, Let your neighbor look at you like you have 3 eyes, Let the people on Facebook judge you and tell you that "had you breastfed your child would be "normal". " What they think doesn't matter and never will. You are doing what is best for your child. Formula wasn't created for lazy mamas who just plain didn't want to bond and feed their children. Formula has been a lifesaver for so many mamas no matter the reason it's used. What works for that breastfeeding mother in the grocery store may not be what works best for you and your little one. As long as you are loving your child, feeding your child and doing the best you can.... You are an awesome parent. You ROCK. And nobody else has any place to say otherwise.
So, ROCK ON MAMA!!!
http://m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/failure-thrive.html
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Although it obviously wasn't our fault, we still couldn't help but blame ourselves. I think for some reason that is every parents first instinct. I mean, Are we not the ones who's sole responsibility to protect our baby? We were the ones supposed to be protecting her from all harm. And yet, here we were.
We requested to be transferred to Mott's Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor Michigan for a second opinion. At the time we were living in a very small town and the doctors didn't have the greatest reputation. So, of course we wanted to be transferred. We wanted to know for sure what was going on and what we were doing wrong.
Of course, while we were there we did confirm that she was in fact considered Failure to Thrive. That was the first diagnoses of many. At first they wanted us to substitute my breast milk with formula. After a couple more weeks of little to no weight gain, we had to stop breastfeeding all together and not only give her formula, but, we had to make it super thick. An extra scoop for every 4 oz. It made it almost smoothie consistency and she had to be watched closely so as to not choke while feeding.
She is almost 4 and is still considered failure to thrive. We have been able to avoid a feeding tube with many snacks per day, force feedings and figuring out what textures she will eat and what to avoid. How to make a high calorie drink homemade that has way more calories than even ensure.. ( I will post the recipe once I can find it. I kinda throw it all together now)
For those of you who are not familiar with what Failure to Thrive is. I will post a link below that has some great info.
We still got a lot of weird and dirty looks from people when they ask how old she is. When you reply with almost 4 you get so many looks of "oh my, it must be horrible." Or, "What are you doing wrong?" There will always be those out there to judge you. And I just want to say to all of you moms. Whether you have children with special needs, or if your a mom to a healthy child..... Please, Do not beat yourself up over what you cannot control. This is not your fault. You have not done anything wrong. I dealt for a long time with the guilt of not breastfeeding. Because you know, Breast is supposed to be best. No matter the case. But, that isn't always true. If I could breastfeed, I most certainly would have for much longer. But, had I breastfed I possibly wouldn't have my daughter with me today.
Leah is 25 lbs right now. She is and probably always will be my little baby munchkin.
Let the people in the grocery store judge you, Let your neighbor look at you like you have 3 eyes, Let the people on Facebook judge you and tell you that "had you breastfed your child would be "normal". " What they think doesn't matter and never will. You are doing what is best for your child. Formula wasn't created for lazy mamas who just plain didn't want to bond and feed their children. Formula has been a lifesaver for so many mamas no matter the reason it's used. What works for that breastfeeding mother in the grocery store may not be what works best for you and your little one. As long as you are loving your child, feeding your child and doing the best you can.... You are an awesome parent. You ROCK. And nobody else has any place to say otherwise.
So, ROCK ON MAMA!!!
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
HAPPY FATHERS DAY. Shout out to all the great daddy's. My husband especially.
A man who can stand up and lead his family in love and tenderness while gaining the respect and admiration of his wife and children is a true gift from God.
I have been blessed with such a man. The road has been bumpy, yet he has stayed by my side every step of the way. His patience makes me so jealous and at times mad. I seriously wouldn't give him up for anything. He is the love of my life. He alone can make me smile. He can stop the tears in a split second.
Joshua is a one of a kind person. I can't even begin to describe all that he is and how great he is.
I remember the first time he held each of the children. The look of love and awe in his eye was enough to make any mother melt. I knew then that I had made the right decision to marry him and have his children.
I heard often that "men won't change diapers." I think we all heard that many times. I was blessed enough to get a man who isn't afraid to change a diaper, to dress the baby, to get up in the middle of the night to let mama sleep. He spends every waking moment striving to make us a better family unit. Everything he does is for his children. He works 10-12 hours a day 6-7 days a week. He is amazing. I know he comes home tired and would love nothing more than to just kick back and relax. But, that is not what he does. He comes home and loves on the children. Reading to them and helping them understand.
Leah is petrified of being in large bodies of water. Anything that she can't sit in is a NO GO. She still wanted to join the rest of us. So, Joshua decided to piggy back her and swim with her. It was priceless. And of course she was thrilled.
It always takes a little bit longer to do anything with the kids instead of doing it yourself. But, he still adds the kids into almost everything that he does. Just the little things in a child's life can make all the difference. Josh may be at work a great majority of the time, But, the children still LOVE him and look forward to every moment with him. They love pretending to be just like daddy.
Copying daddy sure does make for some of the cutest pics.
I know this is a lot of pictures. LOL But, it wouldn't be right for me to not acknowledge the man who keeps our family going. The love of my life and worlds greatest daddy.
I love you Joshua.
Please Share with us a picture of you and your dad or your little ones with their daddy.
Dad's deserve a huge shout out. So, lets do it!
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
I have been blessed with such a man. The road has been bumpy, yet he has stayed by my side every step of the way. His patience makes me so jealous and at times mad. I seriously wouldn't give him up for anything. He is the love of my life. He alone can make me smile. He can stop the tears in a split second.
I remember the first time he held each of the children. The look of love and awe in his eye was enough to make any mother melt. I knew then that I had made the right decision to marry him and have his children.
Leah is petrified of being in large bodies of water. Anything that she can't sit in is a NO GO. She still wanted to join the rest of us. So, Joshua decided to piggy back her and swim with her. It was priceless. And of course she was thrilled.
I know this is a lot of pictures. LOL But, it wouldn't be right for me to not acknowledge the man who keeps our family going. The love of my life and worlds greatest daddy.
I love you Joshua.
Please Share with us a picture of you and your dad or your little ones with their daddy.
Dad's deserve a huge shout out. So, lets do it!
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Life Is Not The Perfect Smooth Road We All Picture Starting Out
When Josh and I got married in November of 2011, I don't think we ever pictured everything that we would have to go through as a married couple.
We were just starting out together and we were convinced that our lives were going to be so much better than everyone elses lives because we were so much smarter and we had it all mapped out. Oh how Naive we were. We knew without a doubt that we would never need a babysitter, we would never need to file bankruptcy, we would never be short on money, (because we were way smarter than that)..... The list of things that would NEVER happen went on and on. And I guess in our naive state of mind, God decided to take our lives and show us just how much control we had over our lives. We fought it for a long time and we left many broken hearts and destroyed relationships in our path to proving we DID in fact have control.
I am going to share a little bit of what we have been through in hopes that someone else can glean some wisdom from where we have been. And share a few of things that we have learned and are still learning.
I think the first lesson that we learned was "God does not always answer your prayers the way you want them to be answered." Of course that lesson took a long time to actually get through my thick skull.
In January of 2012 we found out I was pregnant with Leah Rose. We were more than happy to be expecting. It was a dream come true. In my mind, the pregnancy was going to be a breeze and Leah was going to be born completely healthy on time and nothing to worry about. Oh boy was I wrong.
The first couple weeks went okay, until I started to feel like I had a severe case of the flu and shortly after that I started bleeding. I was scared to death that I was miscarrying. I went to the ER and they found nothing abnormal other than the bleeding. Which went on through out most of the pregnancy on and off. It ended up being a very scary pregnancy for a first time mom. Everything seemed normal with my beautiful little girl. She was growing like she was supposed to and everything (Other than the bleeding) seemed to be on track. Until I went into labor at 35 weeks. And had her 6 hours later. Thankfully she appeared healthy and we went on believing our little "fairy tale" plan would pan out. Shortly after Leah was born she started refusing to eat. She turned the breast, she turned down bottles and even turned down pacifiers. After trying several more nipples and bottles to try to get her to eat, she finally took to one. We thought that our troubles were over. We had a perfect little princess. We had our whole world in our arms. So tiny and trusting. We had no way of knowing that her problems feeding would be the first of many many more issues that we would face with this little stinker.
I wouldn't trade anything for the world. She is my sweetheart no matter the trials we face. She has turned into my little hero.
I am going to be turning this into a series. So, much has happened that there is no way that I could ever begin to cover it all in one blog post. So, follow along and be prepared to see some really cute pictures as we go along.
Please Share this blog post with your friends and lets see how many people we can help. Many others are going through the same things that we are and have come through. Please comment below with the Link to your awareness page on Facebook. Leah would love to follow you and show Y'all some love.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
We were just starting out together and we were convinced that our lives were going to be so much better than everyone elses lives because we were so much smarter and we had it all mapped out. Oh how Naive we were. We knew without a doubt that we would never need a babysitter, we would never need to file bankruptcy, we would never be short on money, (because we were way smarter than that)..... The list of things that would NEVER happen went on and on. And I guess in our naive state of mind, God decided to take our lives and show us just how much control we had over our lives. We fought it for a long time and we left many broken hearts and destroyed relationships in our path to proving we DID in fact have control.
I am going to share a little bit of what we have been through in hopes that someone else can glean some wisdom from where we have been. And share a few of things that we have learned and are still learning.
I think the first lesson that we learned was "God does not always answer your prayers the way you want them to be answered." Of course that lesson took a long time to actually get through my thick skull.
In January of 2012 we found out I was pregnant with Leah Rose. We were more than happy to be expecting. It was a dream come true. In my mind, the pregnancy was going to be a breeze and Leah was going to be born completely healthy on time and nothing to worry about. Oh boy was I wrong.
The first couple weeks went okay, until I started to feel like I had a severe case of the flu and shortly after that I started bleeding. I was scared to death that I was miscarrying. I went to the ER and they found nothing abnormal other than the bleeding. Which went on through out most of the pregnancy on and off. It ended up being a very scary pregnancy for a first time mom. Everything seemed normal with my beautiful little girl. She was growing like she was supposed to and everything (Other than the bleeding) seemed to be on track. Until I went into labor at 35 weeks. And had her 6 hours later. Thankfully she appeared healthy and we went on believing our little "fairy tale" plan would pan out. Shortly after Leah was born she started refusing to eat. She turned the breast, she turned down bottles and even turned down pacifiers. After trying several more nipples and bottles to try to get her to eat, she finally took to one. We thought that our troubles were over. We had a perfect little princess. We had our whole world in our arms. So tiny and trusting. We had no way of knowing that her problems feeding would be the first of many many more issues that we would face with this little stinker.
I wouldn't trade anything for the world. She is my sweetheart no matter the trials we face. She has turned into my little hero.
I am going to be turning this into a series. So, much has happened that there is no way that I could ever begin to cover it all in one blog post. So, follow along and be prepared to see some really cute pictures as we go along.
Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama
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