The Heartbreaking Reality of a Failure to Thrive Diagnoses

Leah was only a couple weeks old when they realized she wasn't gaining weight properly. In fact she was losing more than what the average newborn loses.  We didn't know much of anything at that time. And really hadn't even heard the term "failure to thrive" until then. When we were told she wasn't gaining weight and they were concerned about it, our minds automatically started wondering what we had done wrong. Was the decision to EBF And EBP what was hurting our daughter? Was it something wrong with my milk? Was I not feeding her enough?
Although it obviously wasn't our fault, we still couldn't help but blame ourselves. I think for some reason that is every parents first instinct. I mean, Are we not the ones who's sole responsibility to protect our baby? We were the ones supposed to be protecting her from all harm. And yet, here we were.
We requested to be transferred to Mott's Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor Michigan for a second opinion. At the time we were living in a very small town and the doctors didn't have the greatest reputation. So, of course we wanted to be transferred. We wanted to know for sure what was going on and what we were doing wrong.

When we entered through those doors, we had no way of knowing that we would be entering through those very same doors more than a million times in the next 4 year.
Of course, while we were there we did confirm that she was in fact considered Failure to Thrive. That was the first diagnoses of many.  At first they wanted us to substitute my breast milk with formula. After a couple more weeks of  little to no weight gain, we had to stop breastfeeding all together and not only give her formula, but, we had to make it super thick.  An extra scoop for every 4 oz. It made it almost smoothie consistency and she had to be watched closely so as to not choke while feeding.
She is almost 4 and is still considered failure to thrive. We have been able to avoid a feeding tube with many snacks per day, force feedings and figuring out what textures she will eat and what to avoid. How to make a high calorie drink homemade that has way more calories than even ensure.. ( I will post the recipe once I can find it. I kinda throw it all together now)
For those of you who are not familiar with what Failure to Thrive is. I will post a link below that has some great info. 
We still got a lot of weird and dirty looks from people when they ask how old she is. When you reply with almost 4 you get so many looks of "oh my, it must be horrible." Or, "What are you doing wrong?" There will always be those out there to judge you. And I just want to say to all of you moms. Whether you have children with special needs, or if your a mom to a healthy child..... Please, Do not beat yourself up over what you cannot control. This is not your fault. You have not done anything wrong. I dealt for a long time with the guilt of not breastfeeding.  Because you know, Breast is supposed to be best. No matter the case. But, that isn't always true. If I could breastfeed, I most certainly would have for much longer. But, had I breastfed I possibly wouldn't have my daughter with me today.
Leah is 25 lbs right now. She is and probably always will be my little baby munchkin. 
Let the people in the grocery store judge you, Let your neighbor look at you like you have 3 eyes, Let the people on Facebook judge you and tell you that "had you breastfed your child would be "normal". " What they think doesn't matter and never will. You are doing what is best for your child.  Formula wasn't created for lazy mamas who just plain didn't want to bond and feed their children. Formula has been a lifesaver for so many mamas no matter the reason it's used.  What works for that breastfeeding mother in the grocery store may not be what works best for you and your little one.  As long as you are loving your child, feeding your child and doing the best you can.... You are an awesome parent. You ROCK. And nobody else has any place to say otherwise.
So, ROCK ON MAMA!!!

http://m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/failure-thrive.html


Bre Shafer AKA Crazy Mama