" She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life"
That verse is pretty simple to understand. But, there is a lot of wealth to that simple little verse.
It seems pretty easy to "Do him good and not evil". I mean, I am not physically abusive.
But, if you stop and think about it, that verse goes so much deeper than just being abusive.
I am going to point out a few things that I have learned in my relationship with my husband.
(1) Choose your words wisely.
When we first got married I got angry very easily and very quickly. And because I had been raised with 7 brothers I was used to saying what I thought and fighting to get my way.
I learned quickly that a husband/wife relationship will not last when I react that way. And more than that, my husbands feelings were crushed by the things that I said.
I am not saying that my husband is a whimp by any means. But, men do have feelings and it is important to take that into consideration and your words should be well thought out in advance. Even if it means pausing in the middle of a discussion.
Ephesians 4:29
" Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers"
(2) Be "available)
I know this is a touchy subject in today's day and age. But, I am going to talk about it for a few minutes none the less.
It is easy for us as women to get busy, and put the kids needs before our husbands and use the excuse of being tired. Which in most cases is a very legitimate excuse. But, It really isn't biblical to use that excuse at all.
A husband has needs and this is one of his top needs. But, at the same time it is a time that is needed for both of us to have a few minutes at night to get extremely intimate and bond with one another in a way that only I can provide him and only he can provide me. The bible says that we should be available unless we have discussed it before hand and choose to "fast" from sex as a couple. But,that is the only valid excuse that I have found in the bible as to why to withhold sex.
Yes, I may be tired, I may be stressed, the kids may be extremely grouchy, and I may have a million things on my mind. But, don't let anything that you are going thru get between the physical relationship that you must have with your husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3&5
" Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband."
vs 5 " Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
(3)Your Husband Comes Before Your Children.
Yes, I know. How dare I say that anyone come before my kids. I must be neglecting them if I put anyone before them.
That is not the case. God gave a specific line of authority and that includes to the wife also.
#1 God
#2 Husband
#3 Children
All in that order. That means that the time I spend with God should be most important in any of my relationships. And then the time I spend with my husband should come second. If my husband needs something or asks me to do something. Than I should listen to his wishes before I listen to mine or the kids. This step shouldn't be that big of a deal because as a couple your desires and goals for your family should line up together and you should be working as a team to meet those goals.
(4) DO NOT BAD MOUTH HIM TO OTHERS
Once again, this is something I was really awful at when we first got married. I would run to my parents or even social media to let the whole world know that my husband and I had a disagreement and what a "jerk" he was. When, In fact I was as much to blame as he was. But, pride wouldn't let me admit that.
After doing this for probably a year or so, our communication dwindled by a lot. He no longer felt comfortable with discussing his feelings with me. He didn't feel comfortable telling me what an awful day he had at work or anything any more. Why? Because I was betraying his trust by running my mouth to everyone that I knew.
It is easy to tell somebody what it going on because in today's society everybody is only a text message away or a social media post away.
I didn't want to admit that our relationship issues were my fault and slowly it got even worse. Eventually we sat down and discussed how we both could make our relationship work.
It was to the point where I was ready to throw in the towel. And I think he was too. But, after discussing things we both had a much clearer outlook on what needed to be done.
I agree to stop "airing our dirty laundry" on facebook and to others, and he agreed to open up more.
We have now been married a little more that 4 years and we are still going strong. You won't find me bad mouthing my husband on facebook or to any of my "friends and family" either.
(Going for counsel to a pastor is a different story)
(5) Treat him like a king.
After all, he is the king of the palace in which you live. Show him how much you love him and respect him. Show him how thankful you are for everything that he does for your family. Show him that you look up to him. Even if it means humbling yourself. It may seem disgusting to take his shoes off when he gets home and rub his feet after a long day. It may be tiring to wait for him to come to bed with you but he deserves it. Show him how much he means to you.
Ideas to work with.
#1- Meet him at the door with a kiss and "how was your day" when he gets off work.
#2- Take off his shoes and give him a foot rub.
#3- Have dinner prepared when he gets home or shortly after.
#4- Have the house picked up before he gets home. Don't leave toys every where or trash in the floor.
#5- Allow him to unwind before you start telling him about everything that happened and how bad the kids were today.
#6- Pray about your disagreements instead of running to facebook or a friend.
#7- Have sex at least twice a week.
#8- Smile and pay attention when he speaks. Look up from whatever you are doing and give him your time.
#9- Do not bombard him with a "todo" list.
#10-Do not compare him to other men. INCLUDING YOUR FATHER.
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